Sees You When You're Sleeping
by Bzou
Summary: It's Christmas During New Moon. Edward left Bella to help her, but there's something he HAS to do for her.


I knew I shouldn't do this. It was almost foolish of me, but it had to be done. I don't know if I still have a soul, but every part of me yearned to, and my conscience told me it was only right. I just had to be quick about it, and I mean fast.

Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett were all enjoying each other's company, so I was left alone for at least a few minutes. I had to utilize as much of that time as possible, and I prayed that if God really existed, he had not forgotten me and would grant me wings. I rushed as fast as my car could go on the highway, but the traffic was just too restricting, and my speed was limited. Still, I knew I could go faster on foot, and as soon as I reached a nature reserve and parked, I took off.

The woods were good cover for my endeavor. I was a natural at navigating forests. Eventually, of course, the reserve ended, I ended up in a very odd situation: I was running through suburban neighborhoods. The streets were empty, so I followed them, although I had to ignore the chattering, idle thoughts coming from the brightly lit houses. Christmas parties. Was she at one right now? Was she happy…?

I had to stop wondering, though. I was on a mission, and the more I thought about my actions, the slower I went. I had to keep going as fast as possible if I wanted to have this completed. The wind whipped through me. The farther north I ran, however, the wind carried snow. I entered a large forest again, and the carried smell of the animals in it caused my thirst to stir, but I felt it would be a waste of time to stop for even a meager snack of rabbit. To ease temptation, I veered of the forest out to follow closer to a road the highway. I didn't have to worry about being seen; families were chatting away in their cars, and those stopped in traffic were too busy moping and day dreaming about sugar plums to notice me rushing past.

The rest of the way flashed quickly. I felt like my feet had wings and that stopping was not even an option. Finally, the forest became thicker, and the trees more familiar. I came upon a clearing I recognized. I reached into my pocket and check to see the gift was still there. It was. I glanced at it in the moon light. The light reflected from the snow caused it to have a fiery glow. I admired it for a second, my gaze lingering upon it, then returned it to my pocket and resumed my flight.

Then the act became routine. I ran down the sleepy street, my fast feet barely leaving footprints. I was astounded that the cloud cover was so low for once. But there it was; the familiar small house. I climbed my way up to the window, musing if it would not be easier to just descend down the chimney. It opened with ease, as usual, her smell flooding out to me, and there she was, asleep for once. I hadn't seen her in a while, but I could tell Bella looked different. Her eyes had dark circles under them, similar to mine. Even though she usually was pale, her skin was a ghostly white. I longed to join her, to watch her sleeping peacefully until morning, to hold her again, but I couldn't let her know I was there.

And yet again, I felt like Santa Claus. I crept over to her bet, casting nary a shadow, and reached into my pocket. The bright red poinsettia had remained uncrushed on my journey. I knew I had chosen to leave Bella, but I need to make this up to her. It should have been our first Christmas, and hearing all the smothering, sweet Christmas love songs made me feel guilty. She was being given a better life, but I needed to give her a gift.

It is cold in Forks for most parts of the year. Poinsettias are beautiful flowers, bright red ones, which can only grow in warm weather. I saw it, and thought of nothing but Bella. I needed to give it to her if I had any sort of life left within me, and I had to do it while she was asleep.

I set the flower under her thin fingers, which were on her pillow resting next to her face in a pool of moonlight streaming from the window. Her features didn't seem as peaceful as usual. I wanted to reach out and stroke her cheek, to feel her blood pulsing beneath my fingers, to brush her hair out of her face, but I knew I shouldn't.

Yet I did. As I was reaching out to her, her features distorted, she shot bolt upright, her hands clenching into fists, and she let out a ghastly scream, writhing in torment.

I knew I should have left.

She was better off without me, and I may have ruined things by appearing back to her. She had probably found someone else, and was now terrified of me, a monster.

I hear Charlie stirring, grumbling about the hour, but was gone and halfway down the street before he came to her.

I'll never know what she thought of the flower, and if she would have been better off if I had never given it to her, but once I hit the forest I slowed and allowed myself to ponder. I ran at a rather sluggish pace for the journey back, running until the sky began to lighten as the sun started to rise in eastern sky. I guess I could understand how Santa Claus would feel, delivering gifts undetected, moving as fast as possible through the night, and seeing people sleeping… I wondered if he longed to wake them, to tell them anything, to kiss them, to apologize, to try and make things right with someone he loved, or to make them understand...

I knew Santa Claus is made up, but I decided like that night, after returning to my car in the reservation and driving back to my family, that if I, a vampire, could go incognito at night to deliver a gift, then a large man in a red suit in a flying sleigh could too.

That night had filled me with a dull hope.

Everything was possible, and maybe Bella was happy afterall.


End file.
